Sanity Optional

In this episode, Alexis scraps her original plan and gets into something more pressing: what actually happens when life is going great and then suddenly, for no obvious reason, it isn't. She talks about the difference between a sad wave and a real regression, why spirals happen and how to interrupt them, and why your brain is not actually trying to destroy you even when it feels like it is. She also gets into thought stopping, media sensitivity, social media doom scrolling, and why calling your funniest friend might be better medicine than you think.
Timestamps00:00 Embracing Emotional Waves03:41 Impact of Media and News07:02 Weed and Sadness Triggers09:43 Understanding Mental Spirals12:46 Thought Stopping Techniques16:00 The Power of Communication20:15 Self-Care and Distraction24:08 Acknowledging Sadness Before Distraction26:00 Comparison and Social Media30:42 Conditional vs. Authentic Happiness
ABOUT SANITY OPTIONALSanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.Welcome to the rabbit hole.
Show LinksRowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

The Men's Episode is finally here. Alexis has been teasing it for a while, and she does not hold back. Drawing from a decade of working with male clients, she gets into the fears and insecurities that don't get talked about enough, and why so many men are suffering in silence when they don't have to be. She covers body image, height, porn, performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, and the financial pressure that gets mistaken for masculinity. She also makes the case that “average” is not the insult some people think it is.This episode is honest, a little unhinged, and exactly what it needs to be
Timestamps00:00 Introduction to Men’s Episode03:10 Humor, Empathy, and Healing07:12 Seeking Advice & Female Friendships11:50 Therapist-Client Dynamics & Trauma16:11 The Language of Attraction & Vulnerability20:41 Shared Sexual Insecurities & Honesty24:12 Debunking Male Insecurities29:50 Societal Teasing, Porn & Sex Styles35:10 Consent and Performance40:11 The Art of Sexual Connection42:45 Historical Roots of Financial Dependence45:43 Modern Relationships and Expectations48:09 Trauma, Money, and Partner Choices49:28 Overcoming Fear and Rejection51:01 Redefining Average and Leadership53:58 Call to Action: Future Generations
 
ABOUT SANITY OPTIONALSanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.Welcome to the rabbit hole.
Show LinksRowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In this episode, Alexis tackles anxiety and makes a case that it's not the enemy most people think it is. She breaks down why anxiety is really just your body's alarm system, why ignoring it only turns up the volume, and why the brain's obsession with worst-case scenarios tends to make everything worse. She gets into why anxiety spikes at night and after drinking, why so many people confuse it with intuition, and how social anxiety quietly drives a lot of binge drinking. She also covers panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and why doom scrolling is basically a slot machine for your nervous system.This one has a panic attack on a plane, giant Mr. Rogers posters, and a seven-minute voice note sent on acid… because the best lessons usually come with a story.
Timestamps00:00 Depression as a Strength04:10 Supporting Someone with Depression07:58 Understanding Anxiety11:06 Anxiety, Trauma, and the Body14:12 Overthinking and Anxiety17:00 Night Anxiety and Panic Attacks21:13 Social Anxiety and Hypervigilance27:26 Anxiety Disorders and Self-Sabotage34:24 Anxiety and Life Milestones39:35 Intrusive Thoughts and OCD43:58 Managing Anxiety at Work or School45:38 Anxiety, Caffeine, and Alcohol48:51 Social Media, Avoidance, and Medication51:01 Recovery and Building Confidence53:41 EMDR and Brainspotting Explained
 
ABOUT SANITY OPTIONALSanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.Welcome to the rabbit hole.
Show LinksRowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In this episode, Alexis picks up where she left off on relationships, and gets a little more personal along the way. She gets into why the person who seemed totally fine in the first few months of a relationship suddenly disappears. Why calm can feel more threatening than chaos. Why the fights that never get resolved are almost never actually about what you think they're about. And why so many people are having less sex, not because the attraction is gone, but because nobody ever taught them how to talk about it. This one is a little all over the place, in the best way.
Note from Alexis: This episode is dedicated in loving memory of my Uncle Gary, Uncle Ben, and Uncle Tom. Though you’re no longer here, your soul and impact will always live on through the people you loved and who loved you.
It is also named after my dear friend Eddie Spaghetti. Thank you for not only giving me insight, but for allowing me to approach the grief in this episode with grace through your honesty and vulnerability.
Sam is always here, always with you, never forgotten and forever loved. #balls
Timestamps00:00 A Moment of Silence for Grief05:06 Communicating Needs in Relationships09:09 Anxiety and Vulnerability in Love14:37 Understanding Relationship Compatibility18:23 Authenticity and Relationship Endings25:05 Maintaining Intimacy and Sex Life34:32 Overcoming Relationship Fears and Breakups
 
ABOUT SANITY OPTIONALSanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.Welcome to the rabbit hole.
Show LinksRowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In this episode, Alexis gets into why so many people crave connection and then panic the moment they actually have it. She breaks down the nervous system roots of self-sabotage, why you lose interest when someone is finally kind to you, and why you keep choosing the same person with a different face. She also gets into the difference between gut instinct and anxiety, and why vulnerability is actually the fastest way to find out if someone is worth your time.This is part one of a two-part series on relationships. Next week, Alexis gets into breakups, the fear of leaving, and how to know when it's time to walk away.
Timestamps00:00 Why we fear relationships04:12 Recognizing true intuition in relationships08:55 Sabotage, insecurity, and resume dating12:06 Dating for soul vs. status17:12 Dating patterns and self-abandonment22:00 Healing yourself and generational trauma26:01 Trauma, validation, and confident dating31:46 Vulnerability and conflict in dating39:56 Overthinking and emotional regulation44:26 Why leaving toxic relationships is hard48:10 Fighting for relationships and dating the soul
 
ABOUT SANITY OPTIONALSanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.Welcome to the rabbit hole.
Show LinksRowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In this episode of Sanity Optional, Alexis takes an honest look at depression and the many ways it can show up in our lives.Drawing from personal experience and years of therapeutic work, she explores the different roots of depression, including burnout, trauma, nervous system patterns, and the pressure to constantly perform. Alexis breaks down the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses and how each one can shape the way people experience depression, from overworking and people-pleasing to emotional shutdown and anger.She also talks about emotional numbness, the shame many people carry around feeling “lazy,” and why our culture’s obsession with productivity often makes healing harder. Alexis shares pieces of her own experience with burnout and recovery, along with the therapies and practices that helped her reconnect with herself.Editor’s Note: During the conversation, Alexis refers to the “Shame Conditioning Process.” The correct term is the Shame Hardening Process, which describes how men are often socially conditioned to suppress emotional expression. We wanted to include this clarification for accuracy.
This episode contains discussion of depression and suicidal thoughts. If you are currently struggling or in crisis, please consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional or a crisis support service in your area.
Timestamps00:00 Understanding Depression: An Introduction01:46 Depression’s Diverse Manifestations03:10 Self-Abandonment and Hidden Benefits04:45 Flight Mode Depression10:39 Fawn Mode Depression14:31 Freeze Mode Depression19:42 Fight Mode and Healing Modalities26:25 Recognizing and Addressing Numbness33:51 The Role of Therapy in Healing35:44 Causes of Depression and Self-Compassion38:50 My Depression and Healing Journey43:42 Understanding Addiction as a Friend45:34 Depression is Not Laziness48:56 Explaining Depression to Others52:30 Navigating Parental Judgment and Support55:30 Depression, Sleep, and Trauma57:44 Effective Depression Treatments: Therapy, EMDR, and Medication01:01:28 Recovery is Possible: Embracing Authenticity
ABOUT SANITY OPTIONALSanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.Welcome to the rabbit hole.
Show LinksRowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

In the very first episode of Sanity Optional, Alexis introduces the show and the reason it exists. She’s tired of mental health being framed like a grind, and she wants this to be a place where the taboo stuff can be said out loud without shame.Alexis shares her own story, including moving through depression, fear, and a long search for what actually helps. She talks about why “getting it” intellectually is not the same as feeling safe in your body, how shame keeps people stuck, and why healing can be approached with more compassion and even a little play. We’re happy that you’re here. Hope you enjoy the show, and we’ll see you next episode.
Timestamps00:00 Sanity Optional: A New Approach02:37 A Journey of Healing and Gratitude05:32 Embracing Playfulness and the Present07:29 Beyond the ‘Work’ of Wellness09:47 Life as a Play, Not a Journey12:10 The Fear of Self and Taboo Topics13:54 Mind, Body, Soul: Somatic Healing15:05 Breaking Free from the ‘Shoulds’18:38 Embracing Being Lost and Course Correction21:28 Inclusivity and Unconditional Acceptance24:02 My Qualification and Love for Life26:07 Continuous Learning and Community Feedback28:47 A Playful Approach to Sensitive Topics31:28 Mindful Engagement and Protecting Listeners34:39 Upcoming Topics and Guests39:37 From Trauma to Unhealthy Achievement46:05 Healing from Psychosis and Addiction50:11 Medicine from the Hell of the Mind
ABOUT SANITY OPTIONALSanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.Welcome to the rabbit hole.
Show LinksRowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/